To this day I think the best thing I have ever done was be a camp counselor.

60 days sober today. One day at a time, sober semester.

Well fuck. I haven't updated this in a few days. My legs hurt a lot. I have been working out with a trainer and I am swam yesterday. I swam a mile. It's frustrating doing what appears to be easy exercises only to find out that they are not so. It feels good though. I am losing weight so thats good. I am really hungry.

Good morning. I wonder if you can take an Epideral to get high. I am having soup, an EmergenC, hot Apple Cider, and green tea for breakfast. I think I will go home tomorrow. I got things to clean up and do today. I am watching The West Wing.

I think I understand why Emily Dickinson number her poems

I have a lot of my mind to say right now. I figure if I write and I don't drink than I am probably doing something right. I like writing but talking is so much easier and quicker and smother even thought in reality talking isn't very smooth. This is a topic that I will address later.

What I am thinking about right now is my neighbor Billy. I spend a lot of time at his place just chilling and he has some cool books that I look though and read some times. I was thinking that I was at his place so much that I should just start reading one of his books. He asked me not to bend the book, or fold it, or dog ear it, or anything. His books will be in great condition in the eyes of some leather glove Armani suit New York book collector but to a another person it will look like a disappointment, another lonely book on a shelf, always read but never more than the sleeve. For me a valuable book is an old one, that is coming apart. When I read a book I want make an impression. I want to write in the book and judge it. I want to dog ear it and fold it so you know that I have touched it. Books suck you in like Jumangi and they fuck with you and you fuck with it. I want you to come in to my house and look at my books so that I can take them out and show you what I wrote in the books. I don't believe people who say they have read some books the books look like they have never been touched. Its cliche but books are "treasures that you can open again and again". I want to save the books that are falling apart but I know that they means they have been read. A newer version may be bought but they will be read and have their ears dogged, spines broken, sleeves ripped, pages written on, food spilled on, pages rained on, and all because they are being read.

I am still a little stoned. For some reason my eyes are not seeing right. I am going to see my shrink now. On the plus side I got an B in my Developing Nations class.

I don't like titles

Netflix is a a pretty sweet service.

I am not sure what I will write here but I will attempt to share my struggles with quitting drinking.

I am listening to season 1 of Def Poetry and the current poet sucks.

The last time I drank was October 31st so I am 40 something days clean I believe.
I have been smoking a lot of weed recently and it is the first in my life where I am smoking every day and most of the day. I keep feeling like I am in this fantasy world. I keep comparing getting high to getting drink or drinking compared to smoking and what it would be like if I was still drinking or if I was not drinking and not smoking and where my life would be. All I know if that I did not drink today and I have not drank for a while so that has to be good and that has to mean that I doing something right.
There was a weird conversation today about quitting and addiction and it got intense. I felt uncomfortable because it was serious and I dint want to talk about it. I don't drink and people make sure I don't. I just need help with someone introducing me to the other dudes.

I am gonna get watch a movie.